1
00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:17,405
[ Sighs ] I just didn't like the way
the session went today, Dr. Hartley.
2
00:01:17,464 --> 00:01:20,604
Well, Mr. Carlin, you were the one
that wanted to play cards.
3
00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:22,840
Yeah.
4
00:01:22,903 --> 00:01:25,645
Maybe next time we should
do what you want to do.
5
00:01:25,705 --> 00:01:29,152
- Well, l-l'd like to discuss your problem.
- I-l don't want to do that.
6
00:01:29,209 --> 00:01:33,589
- Well, uh, maybe we could take a walk in
the park. - What, in the dead of winter?
7
00:01:33,647 --> 00:01:36,218
Well, we could have lunch
at a nice warm restaurant.
8
00:01:36,283 --> 00:01:40,254
- I'm not paying you to eat.
- All right, then we'll play cards again.
9
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,391
Okay. lfthat's
what you want to do.
10
00:01:46,293 --> 00:01:48,273
[Elevator Bell Dings]
11
00:01:48,328 --> 00:01:52,834
Merry Christmas, Dr. Hartley.
Good morning, Carol, and merry Christmas.
12
00:01:52,899 --> 00:01:56,437
- Uh, do we know you?
- Eddie.
13
00:01:56,503 --> 00:01:58,574
I'm your mailman.
You know, I deliveryour mail.
14
00:01:58,638 --> 00:02:01,312
Uh, our mail comes up in a bag.
15
00:02:01,374 --> 00:02:05,220
Yeah, but at Christmas,
I like to make it more personal.
16
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,983
Uh, I don't, uh,
have your gift yet, Eddie.
17
00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:13,190
Well, when you get it,
just send it down in the bag.
18
00:02:13,253 --> 00:02:16,928
Hey, is, uh,jerry Richardson
still down this hail?
19
00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:19,732
- Uh, Robinson.
- Yeah. Right.
20
00:02:19,793 --> 00:02:22,933
Oh, hey,jer, wait up!
21
00:02:22,996 --> 00:02:26,773
Bob, here it is-
the worst thing in the world.
22
00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:29,439
- You've, uh, you've been drafted?
- No, no.
23
00:02:29,502 --> 00:02:34,144
No, it's from my parents.
The plane ticket to Collinsville, Iowa.
24
00:02:34,207 --> 00:02:37,381
Well, you knew it was gonna come,
and you knew you were gonna have to go.
25
00:02:37,444 --> 00:02:39,287
Not if you make me
work on Christmas.
26
00:02:40,347 --> 00:02:43,988
Well, you want to shovel my walk?
27
00:02:44,050 --> 00:02:47,395
I'd rather do that than sit
in that house for four days...
28
00:02:47,454 --> 00:02:52,802
while they pry into my personal life and make
me feel guilty for not staying in Collinsville...
29
00:02:52,859 --> 00:02:56,432
to marry Elwood Morrison,
the humus king.
30
00:02:58,298 --> 00:03:02,337
- Is, uh, is humus what I think it is?
- Yeah.
31
00:03:03,970 --> 00:03:07,008
- And he's king of it?
- King of the hill.
32
00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:12,213
Well, Carol, parents always try to
interfere in their children's lives.
33
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:15,226
I mean, l-l'm 45.
My mother still calls me sonny.
34
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:18,923
She doesn't like me to drink or curse
or read Mickey Spillane books.
35
00:03:18,985 --> 00:03:21,989
So what you're saying here, Bob,
is that parents will be parents.
36
00:03:22,055 --> 00:03:26,470
Yeahjust, uh, go home and smile
and let it roll off your back.
37
00:03:26,526 --> 00:03:30,941
Well, I'll sure try.
But it's like a trip back to I 932.
38
00:03:30,997 --> 00:03:34,001
No wonder they called it
the Depression.
39
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:39,847
- Carol, chin up.
- I'll give it my best shot, Bob. I really will.
40
00:03:41,808 --> 00:03:44,721
Ah, hey, Carol, here's your Christmas present.
I got it for you early-
41
00:03:44,778 --> 00:03:48,555
- Uh, merry Christmas.
- Sure, for you.
42
00:03:49,616 --> 00:03:51,562
She got her plane ticket, huh, Bob?
43
00:03:51,618 --> 00:03:54,861
Yeah. I guess she's gonna cry
all the way to the airport.
44
00:03:54,921 --> 00:03:57,595
By the way, Bob, what are you gonna get
Eddie the mailman for Christmas this year?
45
00:03:57,657 --> 00:04:02,072
I thought I'd take all day tomorrow off
and think about it,jerry.
46
00:04:02,128 --> 00:04:04,904
Oh, he gave me this by mistake.
I think it's for you.
47
00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:06,911
Yeah, that's me all right-
occupant.
48
00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:10,414
Well, it's from the, uh, from the Brain Wave
School of Psychiatry there.
49
00:04:10,470 --> 00:04:14,850
-[Sighs]
- “Hey, guys, now get girls through hypnotism.
50
00:04:17,277 --> 00:04:19,279
“Amazing new book tells how.
Not a gimmick.
51
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:23,658
Written by our two head psychiatrists,
Teddy and Steve.“
52
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:28,265
I think I'll just, uh, throw this away,
Jerry, unless you're interested.
53
00:04:28,321 --> 00:04:30,597
No, it's not my style.
[Chuckles]
54
00:04:30,657 --> 00:04:33,866
Well, see you later, Bob.
55
00:04:33,927 --> 00:04:37,704
-;;[Whistling]
- [ Door Closes ]
56
00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:43,874
“Hey, guys, now get girls
through hypnotism.“
57
00:04:55,181 --> 00:04:59,687
- Hi, honey.
- 0h, goon'. You got your tuxedo, huh?
58
00:04:59,753 --> 00:05:02,233
You know how much
they rent tuxedos for today?
59
00:05:02,288 --> 00:05:04,461
Oh, I don't know.
What, about $27?
60
00:05:04,524 --> 00:05:07,368
- Twenty-six.
- Oh.
61
00:05:07,427 --> 00:05:10,670
It wasn't even cleaned.
There was still rice in the pockets.
62
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:13,006
I don't know why I just can't wear
a black suit to the symphony.
63
00:05:13,066 --> 00:05:18,015
Oh, Bob, everybody dresses up for the Christmas
Eve concert. It's a festive occasion.
64
00:05:18,071 --> 00:05:21,052
[Bob] It's supposed to be miserable
tomorrow. Can't we just stay home?
65
00:05:21,107 --> 00:05:24,452
- Don't be silly. I mean, you spent $26.
- [Knocking]
66
00:05:24,511 --> 00:05:26,787
Hey, Bob and Emily, look at this.
67
00:05:26,846 --> 00:05:30,020
My cereal box has been chewed open.
Mice must have done it.
68
00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:32,689
Mice are like that, Howard.
They're all thumbs.
69
00:05:32,752 --> 00:05:36,029
I'm serious.
I've got mice in my cupboard.
70
00:05:36,089 --> 00:05:38,831
Well, I didn't think they could get up
to the fifth floor.
71
00:05:38,892 --> 00:05:41,338
I didn't know they could reach
the third floor button.
72
00:05:43,563 --> 00:05:48,137
Bob, you don't understand.
I'm afraid of mice.
73
00:05:48,201 --> 00:05:50,203
Well, I understand, Howard.
74
00:05:50,270 --> 00:05:52,216
Mice are harmless.
75
00:05:52,272 --> 00:05:54,752
I know, but I've been afraid of mice
ever since I was little kid.
76
00:05:54,808 --> 00:05:59,416
One morning, I went in to brush my teeth
and there was a mouse in the sink.
77
00:05:59,479 --> 00:06:03,950
He was trying to get out, and he couldn't.
His little feet were going like crazy.
78
00:06:05,919 --> 00:06:10,334
Teeny, tiny toenails were clicking
against the porcelain.
79
00:06:10,390 --> 00:06:12,996
You should have seen
the look on his face.
80
00:06:13,059 --> 00:06:15,801
Itwas kind of like Humphrey Bogart
in TheAfican Queen.
81
00:06:17,063 --> 00:06:19,669
Th-They all look like that, Howard.
82
00:06:19,732 --> 00:06:22,178
[Emily] Why don't you
get a mousetrap?
83
00:06:22,235 --> 00:06:26,081
I've got one, but I wish
they'd build a better one.
84
00:06:26,139 --> 00:06:28,449
Boy, I wish I were flying out tonight.
85
00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:30,920
I'd feel a much safer up there
above the mouse line.
86
00:06:35,882 --> 00:06:38,294
Look, they really did a job on this.
87
00:06:38,351 --> 00:06:40,695
I guess they were after
the secret decoder ring.
88
00:06:42,522 --> 00:06:46,971
Carol called to say good-bye. She was
in her usual Christmas-in-lowa funk.
89
00:06:47,026 --> 00:06:50,235
You know, it's a shame she has such
a bad relationship with her parents.
90
00:06:50,296 --> 00:06:52,640
Oh, and your mother called
four times today.
91
00:06:52,699 --> 00:06:55,703
Damn. Wh-What did she want?
92
00:06:55,768 --> 00:06:59,215
- She said it wasn't important.
- Oh, good. I don't have to call her back then.
93
00:06:59,272 --> 00:07:01,218
Yeah. She said you didn't have to call her...
94
00:07:01,274 --> 00:07:03,481
just 'cause she was your mother
and it was the Christmas season.
95
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,457
I'll call her back.
96
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:10,427
Yeah, she's got this recipe for
a fun eggnog with no liquor in it.
97
00:07:11,618 --> 00:07:13,564
- And that's what she called me about?
- Yeah.
98
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:15,998
And s-she didn't know whether
to get you a wallet...
99
00:07:16,055 --> 00:07:18,831
or license plates with
the name “Sonny“ on them.
100
00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:26,201
H-Hi, Mom. No, I-l haven't talked to Emily.
I just, you know, thought I'd call.
101
00:07:27,433 --> 00:07:30,346
Oh. A new eggnog recipe.
102
00:07:32,305 --> 00:07:35,184
Root beer
instead of bourbon.
103
00:07:35,241 --> 00:07:37,243
That sounds like fun.
104
00:07:44,184 --> 00:07:46,130
I don't know, Dr. Hartley.
105
00:07:46,186 --> 00:07:50,100
I always get the feeling that people
are laughing at me behind my back.
106
00:07:50,156 --> 00:07:51,965
W-Why do you say that, Mr. Carlin?
107
00:07:52,025 --> 00:07:53,971
Maybe it's because
of the sounds of laughter...
108
00:07:54,027 --> 00:07:57,304
that always seem to be coming from
the opposite direction I'm facing.
109
00:07:57,363 --> 00:07:59,468
Uh-huh.
110
00:07:59,532 --> 00:08:04,413
Like the other day when I was at the art museum
looking at the paintings of the Old West...
111
00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:06,541
I heard definite giggling
over my shoulder.
112
00:08:06,606 --> 00:08:09,610
Maybe they were, uh,
laughing at the paintings.
113
00:08:09,676 --> 00:08:14,125
Funny Indian massacres?
I don't think so.
114
00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:16,854
Gin.
115
00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:20,363
They were laughing at me.
just like they were the other day...
116
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:24,129
when I was walking down the street
and slipped on a banana peel.
117
00:08:24,190 --> 00:08:28,696
Well, slipping on a banana peel is a-
is a time-honored comedy formula for years.
118
00:08:28,761 --> 00:08:31,435
- I mean, you've seen it in movies, haven't you?
- Yeah.
119
00:08:31,497 --> 00:08:34,944
But I never thought it was funny.
120
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:37,345
Of course, I might think it was funny
ifit happened to you.
121
00:08:39,639 --> 00:08:42,119
Well, I'm afraid our time is up.
122
00:08:42,175 --> 00:08:44,382
Yeah, that figures.
What do I owe you?
123
00:08:44,444 --> 00:08:47,323
Uh, $14, plus the regular fee.
124
00:08:47,380 --> 00:08:50,384
Next time could
we play Crazy Eights?
125
00:08:50,450 --> 00:08:53,897
Not in this office.
[Laughs]
126
00:08:57,223 --> 00:08:59,260
Maybe I just don't have
a sense of humor.
127
00:08:59,325 --> 00:09:01,032
Everybody has a sense of humor.
128
00:09:01,094 --> 00:09:03,938
How come when I tell a funnyjoke,
nobody laughs?
129
00:09:03,997 --> 00:09:07,740
Well, give me an example of a funny story
and, uh, see if I can laugh.
130
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,771
Okay. Uh, this guy swims
the English Channel in 18 hours.
131
00:09:11,838 --> 00:09:15,376
And, uh, the other guy says,
uh, the record is 16 hours.
132
00:09:15,441 --> 00:09:18,012
[Laughing]
133
00:09:18,077 --> 00:09:21,354
That's not the end of it.
134
00:09:23,216 --> 00:09:27,858
And the first guy says, “I could've broken
the record if I hadn't lost my watch.“
135
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:33,568
[Laughs]
136
00:09:33,626 --> 00:09:35,628
I get it.
That's, uh, that's very funny.
137
00:09:35,695 --> 00:09:38,175
Oh, yeah. Well, that's
your kind of humor.
138
00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:44,542
- [ Fingers Snapping]
- Ah, darn it.
139
00:09:44,604 --> 00:09:47,744
Did I tell you that
the first guy was a rabbi?
140
00:09:47,807 --> 00:09:51,778
It doesn't matter, Mr. Carlin.
I want to wish you a merry Christmas.
141
00:09:51,844 --> 00:09:54,381
And try to enjoy
the holiday season...
142
00:09:54,447 --> 00:09:56,723
and just try to remember
people aren't laughing at you.
143
00:09:56,783 --> 00:09:59,923
[All Laughing]
144
00:09:59,986 --> 00:10:03,593
Yeah, I'll try to remember that.
145
00:10:03,656 --> 00:10:05,966
[Laughing Continues]
146
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:10,898
- See you later, Bob.
- Oh,jerry, you're gonna stop off at the house...
147
00:10:10,963 --> 00:10:13,341
- and have a drink before the concert, right?
- Yeah, I guess so.
148
00:10:13,399 --> 00:10:17,040
- What's the mattenjerry?
- I don't know. lt'sjust kind of strange around here.
149
00:10:17,103 --> 00:10:19,606
It's Christmas Eve, we're not even
having an office party or anything.
150
00:10:19,672 --> 00:10:23,017
Well, I think it's best. I mean,
Carol isn't here, uh, Tuppermans in Miami...
151
00:10:23,076 --> 00:10:25,420
uh, Tetzi and Totten are in Tahiti...
152
00:10:25,478 --> 00:10:27,822
and, you know, a lot of
the other doctors are sick.
153
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,987
Itwouldjust be, uh,
you, me and Mr. Carlin.
154
00:10:32,051 --> 00:10:34,759
That's not a party.
That's a wake.
155
00:10:34,821 --> 00:10:38,359
- I wonder how, uh, Carol's doing.
- Yeah.
156
00:10:38,424 --> 00:10:40,665
Maybe we ought to give her a call,
wish her a merry Christmas.
157
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:44,641
- Sh-She could probably use some cheering up.
- That's a terrific idea, Bob.
158
00:10:44,697 --> 00:10:46,699
Let's use, uh,your line, huh?
159
00:10:48,501 --> 00:10:52,210
- Great ideaJerry.
- Well, mine's always got a lot of static on it.
160
00:10:52,271 --> 00:10:56,014
- You want to talk to her or should I?
- No, you talk. It's your dime.
161
00:10:58,578 --> 00:11:01,752
Uh, hello?
Yeah, uh, Mr. Kester?
162
00:11:01,814 --> 00:11:05,318
This is, uh, Dr. Hartley in Chicago.
163
00:11:05,385 --> 00:11:08,525
Th-The big city in Illinois, right.
164
00:11:08,588 --> 00:11:13,003
C-Could I speak
to Carol, please?
165
00:11:13,059 --> 00:11:15,039
She's not?
166
00:11:15,094 --> 00:11:17,472
She, uh, she didn't?
167
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:20,511
Well, are-are you sure?
168
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,204
Elwood is still at the airport.
169
00:11:26,139 --> 00:11:28,676
Well, l-l'm sure he does
have better things to do.
170
00:11:29,942 --> 00:11:32,252
W-Well, uh, uh...
171
00:11:32,311 --> 00:11:36,782
would you wait until I get in touch with
her before you cut her out of the will?
172
00:11:36,849 --> 00:11:39,728
A-And, uh,
and merry Christmas.
173
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:42,027
Hum-Humbug. Right.
174
00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:46,136
- She never showed up, huh?
- No.
175
00:11:46,192 --> 00:11:49,935
- Well, you should have called her person-to-person,
Bob. - Oh,jer, thanks for the socks.
176
00:11:49,996 --> 00:11:53,000
- Hey, uh, wanna catch the elevator for me?
- Sure. Which way you goin'?
177
00:11:53,065 --> 00:11:57,013
Up. Gynecology boys,
they give cash.
178
00:11:57,069 --> 00:12:00,175
Uh, not that I, uh, don't
appreciate the socks.
179
00:12:00,239 --> 00:12:02,913
- Maybe I didn't give you enough notice.
- [ Elevator Bell Dings]
180
00:12:02,975 --> 00:12:05,182
[Jerry] Looks like you're doing okay
anyway there, Eddie.
181
00:12:05,244 --> 00:12:07,224
Oh, it could be better.
182
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,784
Hey, are, uh,
Totten and Tetzi really in Tahiti?
183
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:13,922
- I swear.
- They better be.
184
00:12:22,028 --> 00:12:25,999
-[Sighs]
- Carol's not back in her apartment yet, huh?
185
00:12:26,065 --> 00:12:28,045
No. And I'm really getting
worried about her.
186
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:32,071
- We're all worried about her. Want some eggnog?
- No, thanks.
187
00:12:32,138 --> 00:12:36,951
Hey, good lookin', Bob,
boy, for a rental.
188
00:12:37,009 --> 00:12:41,788
They didn't send any cufflinks along with this.
These were the only ones I could find.
189
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:45,125
Oh, I haven't worn
those earrings in years.
190
00:12:47,053 --> 00:12:51,399
Bob, I can't-l can't reach Carol.
I hope she's okay.
191
00:12:51,457 --> 00:12:54,870
It's Christmas Eve. Where would she-she go?
She's got no place else to go.
192
00:12:54,927 --> 00:12:57,100
She's feeling unloved.
She's really depressed.
193
00:12:57,163 --> 00:12:59,109
I mean, where would you go
on a night like that?
194
00:12:59,165 --> 00:13:01,270
I'd go to a symphony.
195
00:13:01,334 --> 00:13:03,644
NOg, Bob?
196
00:13:03,703 --> 00:13:05,910
No, thanks. There's nothing
in there but root beer.
197
00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:11,183
I thought it tasted strangely, uh,
nonalcoholic and, uh, horrible.
198
00:13:11,244 --> 00:13:13,815
- [Knocking]
- Come in.
199
00:13:15,548 --> 00:13:19,360
- Hiya, Howard. Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
200
00:13:19,418 --> 00:13:22,297
You going to a slumber party?
201
00:13:22,355 --> 00:13:25,427
No, no. I'm just, uh, staying
home trimming my tree.
202
00:13:25,491 --> 00:13:27,869
Howard, do you want some eggnog?
203
00:13:27,927 --> 00:13:30,999
Well, I don't have anything to do anyway.
I might as well get looped.
204
00:13:33,266 --> 00:13:35,803
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
205
00:13:39,405 --> 00:13:42,284
Wow! Ooh!
206
00:13:43,843 --> 00:13:46,187
Oh,you guys, uh, going out
for an evening of fun?
207
00:13:46,245 --> 00:13:48,350
No, we're going to the symphony.
208
00:13:48,414 --> 00:13:53,159
Oh, a symphony.
Chicago finally got a symphony orchestra.
209
00:13:53,219 --> 00:13:55,392
Yeah. Finally got it
95 years ago, Howard.
210
00:13:55,454 --> 00:13:58,401
Ah. Well, then, they
should be ready tonight.
211
00:14:02,194 --> 00:14:04,231
Oh! That'll rot your socks.
212
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,311
Wanna hit me again?
213
00:14:09,368 --> 00:14:13,339
Howard, uh, if you're gonna be home, would
you listen for the phone? Carol might call.
214
00:14:13,406 --> 00:14:19,186
Oh, just leave the door open. That way,
if there's any mice, I'll have an escape route.
215
00:14:19,245 --> 00:14:24,217
Any signs of anything, Howard? Uh, pitter-patter
of little feet, uh, toenails clicking?
216
00:14:24,283 --> 00:14:27,992
No. Not a creature is stirring.
You guys have any tinsel?
217
00:14:28,054 --> 00:14:30,933
Why, you want to strangle them?
218
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,368
No. I want to use it for tinsel.
219
00:14:33,426 --> 00:14:35,406
Oh. There's an extra box over there.
220
00:14:35,461 --> 00:14:37,463
Oh, thank you very much.
221
00:14:39,131 --> 00:14:41,270
Can I have another belt of that?
222
00:14:49,742 --> 00:14:52,882
Wow! Oh, boy!
223
00:14:52,945 --> 00:14:57,087
Oh, boy! Okay!
224
00:14:57,149 --> 00:15:00,358
Oh. Now I'm ready to face
those little furry devils.
225
00:15:01,854 --> 00:15:05,199
It's me.
Get back in your holes.
226
00:15:11,130 --> 00:15:14,202
I have never seen a grown man
so terrified of mice.
227
00:15:14,266 --> 00:15:17,975
Yeah, it's really silly. Well, it's time
for me to get out of the building.
228
00:15:20,239 --> 00:15:22,241
You, uh, ready to go
out in the slush, Emily?
229
00:15:22,308 --> 00:15:24,310
- Uh, let mejust try Carol one more time.
- Yeah. Go ahead.
230
00:15:24,377 --> 00:15:26,379
I'll be, uh, waitin' down in the lobby.
231
00:15:28,447 --> 00:15:31,951
- H i, j er.
- [Emi/Jw] Carol where ha veyou been?
232
00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:35,465
- Uh, sitting in my apartment listening
to the phone ring. - Well, that was me.
233
00:15:35,521 --> 00:15:38,001
I guess you can tell by my presence
I didn't go to Iowa.
234
00:15:38,057 --> 00:15:41,095
Yeah. We know.
I-l spoke to your dad this afternoon.
235
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:45,199
- He cut you out of his will.
- Oh, please. It's not the first time.
236
00:15:45,264 --> 00:15:49,804
He cut me out of his will when I was 16
and stripped the gears on his pickup.
237
00:15:49,869 --> 00:15:53,339
He just never forgave me.
Listen, I know that it's Christmas Eve.
238
00:15:53,406 --> 00:15:57,252
I'm really sorry, but I-
I just gotta talk to somebody about this.
239
00:15:57,309 --> 00:15:59,687
Uh, you don't have any plans, do you?
240
00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,582
No, we don't have any plans.
241
00:16:03,649 --> 00:16:06,994
Oh, well, then, I guess
I should start from the beginning.
242
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,590
By that, you mean
the beginning of the, uh, week?
243
00:16:09,655 --> 00:16:11,828
The beginning of my life.
244
00:16:13,726 --> 00:16:18,607
Do you know that I was born the year
the locusts came to Collinsville?
245
00:16:18,664 --> 00:16:23,113
My father blamed me for that and every
little disaster that's come along since.
246
00:16:25,538 --> 00:16:29,452
My father always told me
I was ugly 'cause I didn't look like him.
247
00:16:29,508 --> 00:16:31,886
I was tall and thin
and redheaded.
248
00:16:31,944 --> 00:16:33,821
What, uh,
what did he look like?
249
00:16:33,879 --> 00:16:36,223
He was short and fat
and redheaded.
250
00:16:36,282 --> 00:16:40,788
Oh, till his hair fell out.
That's another thing he blamed me for.
251
00:16:40,853 --> 00:16:42,799
Uh, Carol, do you want more coffee?
252
00:16:42,855 --> 00:16:45,631
Oh, no. Please, Emily, no.
Five's my limit.
253
00:16:45,691 --> 00:16:47,864
Look, I got to be off.
I'm gonna grab a cab...
254
00:16:47,927 --> 00:16:50,134
and see if I can catch
the last couple of crescendos.
255
00:16:50,196 --> 00:16:52,369
It's too late to scalp
your ticketsJerry.
256
00:16:52,431 --> 00:16:55,037
No. No. I've got a date
with the harpist.
257
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,741
I just hope she doesn't ask me
howl liked the concert.
258
00:16:57,803 --> 00:17:00,545
Just tell her she did some mean picking.
259
00:17:00,606 --> 00:17:03,212
- [ Door Closes]
- Oh, hey, listen...
260
00:17:03,275 --> 00:17:07,314
- I have really droned on long enough.
- No, no, you haven't.
261
00:17:07,379 --> 00:17:10,019
- Well, it is getting kind of-
- f remember when f was 75.
262
00:17:10,082 --> 00:17:12,062
late.
263
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:15,190
My father accused me of stealing from
the cash register at the lumberyard.
264
00:17:15,254 --> 00:17:17,234
I thought you said
he had a meat market.
265
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:21,066
Oh, it was a meat market,
lumberyard, lingerie, liquor store.
266
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:23,164
It was the first of its kind really.
267
00:17:23,229 --> 00:17:25,505
But you didn't take the money
from the cash register?
268
00:17:25,564 --> 00:17:29,137
No. My mother did.
269
00:17:29,201 --> 00:17:32,011
And then she made me promise
not to tell anybody.
270
00:17:32,071 --> 00:17:35,814
But my father found out and punished me
for not telling anybody.
271
00:17:35,875 --> 00:17:38,515
- You know what the punishment was, Bob?
- No.
272
00:17:38,577 --> 00:17:42,047
He made me take inventory at the store
the night of myjunior prom.
273
00:17:42,114 --> 00:17:45,061
- Oh, that's not very nice.
- Yeah.
274
00:17:45,117 --> 00:17:50,863
Gee, my date had a real good time trying
on all the lingerie in the store, but...
275
00:17:50,923 --> 00:17:54,063
my dad caught him, got mad
and wouldn't let me see him again.
276
00:17:54,126 --> 00:17:56,299
Carol, all fathers are like that.
277
00:17:56,362 --> 00:17:58,672
I mean, my father never liked
anybody I dated either.
278
00:17:58,731 --> 00:18:01,405
I mean, he did even like Bob
when I started to see him.
279
00:18:05,104 --> 00:18:08,916
- He said he did.
- Well, he didn't.
280
00:18:08,974 --> 00:18:11,454
It sure seemed like he liked me.
281
00:18:11,510 --> 00:18:15,458
It wasn't you so much, honey. I just don't
think he wanted me to leave Seattle.
282
00:18:15,514 --> 00:18:19,826
Well, my parents had some reservations
about you too, you know.
283
00:18:21,353 --> 00:18:23,299
You never told me that.
284
00:18:23,355 --> 00:18:25,631
- I forgot.
- [Knocking]
285
00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:37,469
Can I have another refill?
286
00:18:39,171 --> 00:18:41,651
Help yourself, Howard.
287
00:18:45,811 --> 00:18:48,155
If you're looking for Carol,
there she is.
288
00:18:50,649 --> 00:18:52,856
Thought you guys were
going to the symphony.
289
00:18:52,918 --> 00:18:56,297
We thought we'd give them
another year to practice.
290
00:18:56,355 --> 00:19:00,633
Oh, that's not true, Howard.
They've been sitting here listening to me...
291
00:19:00,693 --> 00:19:04,368
rant and rave and feel sorry
for myself for the past two hours.
292
00:19:04,430 --> 00:19:09,004
- What's wrong? - Oh, nothing. Nothing.
My life is falling apart, that's all.
293
00:19:09,068 --> 00:19:12,948
Don't feel bad.
I've got mice, and I can't catch 'em.
294
00:19:13,005 --> 00:19:16,646
Well, I have no right to complain.
295
00:19:18,043 --> 00:19:21,490
You guys mind if I have
another cup of cheer here?
296
00:19:21,547 --> 00:19:24,619
This stuffs got a kick like a mule.
297
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:30,164
Wow!
[Mumbles]
298
00:19:30,222 --> 00:19:32,224
Howard, w-what do you want?
299
00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:35,329
What do I-
Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember.
300
00:19:35,394 --> 00:19:38,375
Uh, well, my tree doesn't
look good with just tinsel.
301
00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:41,639
Sol was wondering if you may have
some old-fashioned ornaments, you know.
302
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:45,580
Something that would look good
with an aluminum blue tree.
303
00:19:45,638 --> 00:19:48,084
Take what you want, Howard.
304
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:52,088
Thankyoujust point me
to the ornaments.
305
00:19:52,144 --> 00:19:54,351
Oh.
306
00:19:54,413 --> 00:19:56,984
[flattering]
307
00:19:57,049 --> 00:19:59,154
Uh, Howard? Howard?
308
00:19:59,218 --> 00:20:03,667
Howard. We're, uh, we're sort of
in-in the middle of something here.
309
00:20:03,722 --> 00:20:07,534
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I was just going.
310
00:20:07,593 --> 00:20:11,837
You know, that reminds me.
You know, maybe mice are wise to cheese.
311
00:20:11,897 --> 00:20:13,774
M-Maybe they are, Howard.
312
00:20:13,832 --> 00:20:18,406
You know, Howard, I don't think now
is really the time. I mean, Carol is-
313
00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:21,747
Emily, listen, it's okay.
I'djust as soon talk about mice.
314
00:20:21,807 --> 00:20:24,447
I mean, we had mice
all over the lumberyard.
315
00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:26,547
My fault, of course.
316
00:20:26,612 --> 00:20:30,185
So we got, uh, four cats,
and they used to sit on the porch.
317
00:20:30,249 --> 00:20:33,753
I used to call them the “Step Brothers.“
[Chuckles]
318
00:20:36,021 --> 00:20:38,592
Probably the best friends I ever had.
319
00:20:38,657 --> 00:20:42,332
Have a seat, Howard.
[Sighs]
320
00:20:42,394 --> 00:20:46,638
Well, those cats took care of the mice
and my dad said get rid of the cats.
321
00:20:46,699 --> 00:20:50,306
But I couldn't do that.
Sol hid 'em in my room.
322
00:20:50,369 --> 00:20:52,315
He never would have
found out either...
323
00:20:52,371 --> 00:20:57,912
but after about four months, the linoleum
fermented and the floor collapsed.
324
00:20:57,977 --> 00:21:01,789
[Carol] I know my dad is never gonna
come to Chicago to visit me.
325
00:21:01,847 --> 00:21:05,590
Ever since I stripped the gears on his dumb
old pickup. He's too cheap to get it fixed.
326
00:21:05,651 --> 00:21:08,996
- He'll never drive all the way in first.
- First.
327
00:21:09,054 --> 00:21:12,900
Now I'm gonna have to go there ifl'm gonna have
any sort of a relationship with him at all.
328
00:21:12,958 --> 00:21:17,407
- Relationship.
- It is. lt'sjust up to me. That's it. It's up to me.
329
00:21:17,463 --> 00:21:22,344
I'm gonna have to go to that phone and pick
it up and call and get on a plane and go.
330
00:21:22,401 --> 00:21:25,245
Bob, I'm gonna do it!
331
00:21:25,304 --> 00:21:29,514
Bob, you are terrific.
Wonderful.
332
00:21:29,575 --> 00:21:33,079
Don't, uh, don't mention it, Carol.
333
00:21:34,146 --> 00:21:37,821
Hello, Dad?
Hi. It's Carol.
334
00:21:37,883 --> 00:21:39,988
The tall redhead.
335
00:21:40,052 --> 00:21:45,866
I know it's 4:00 in the morning and I'm cut
out of the will, but I'm coming home.
336
00:21:45,924 --> 00:21:50,100
Wha- Oh, well, I'm fine.
I'm fine, Dad. Thanks for asking.
337
00:21:50,162 --> 00:21:53,109
I'm sorry if I worried you.
338
00:21:53,165 --> 00:21:56,612
Oh. Well.
339
00:21:56,668 --> 00:21:58,909
I love you too.
340
00:22:02,341 --> 00:22:04,651
' Bob!
' Yo!
341
00:22:04,710 --> 00:22:10,388
- I'm back in the will.
- Well, where there's a will there's a way.
342
00:22:10,449 --> 00:22:15,899
Listen, I want you to know that you and Emily
are the best. You arejust the best.
343
00:22:15,954 --> 00:22:19,993
I mean, spending your whole
Christmas Eve sitting up with me.
344
00:22:20,059 --> 00:22:24,872
Oh, I, uh, I enjoyed it.
We, uh, we both did.
345
00:22:24,930 --> 00:22:27,809
Merry Christmas, Bob.
346
00:22:27,866 --> 00:22:30,642
Merry Christmas.
347
00:22:43,715 --> 00:22:46,195
Uh, Emily.
348
00:22:46,251 --> 00:22:50,256
I'm awake. I'm awake.
Keep talking, Carol.
349
00:22:50,322 --> 00:22:53,201
Well, uh, Carol's on her way
to Collinsville.
350
00:22:53,258 --> 00:22:56,705
Oh. Well, did I miss anything?
351
00:22:56,762 --> 00:22:59,003
Yeah,you sure did.
There was a lot of excitement.
352
00:22:59,064 --> 00:23:02,876
Uh, right after Carol left, uh, he showed up.
He was only here for a minute or so.
353
00:23:02,935 --> 00:23:07,714
And then he, uh, put his finger aside his nose
and he rocketed right off the balcony.
354
00:23:10,109 --> 00:23:12,885
But he, uh,
he left that for you.
355
00:23:12,945 --> 00:23:16,950
Oh. You're a good guy,
you know that, Bob?
356
00:23:17,015 --> 00:23:21,794
- Well, you're a- you're a good guy too.
- [Chuckles]
357
00:23:21,854 --> 00:23:24,698
You know, it-it worked out great,
the way you, uh...
358
00:23:24,756 --> 00:23:27,100
you were ready to help with Carol
when I dozed off...
359
00:23:27,159 --> 00:23:32,302
and then, uh, then when you
passed out, I, uh...
360
00:23:32,364 --> 00:23:35,072
I was ready to help.
361
00:23:35,134 --> 00:23:39,310
It was kind of a nice Christmas Eve.
362
00:23:39,371 --> 00:23:41,612
Yeah.
363
00:23:41,673 --> 00:23:46,645
And I think it's gonna turn out to be
a lovely Christmas morning too.
364
00:23:46,712 --> 00:23:50,558
[Chuckles]
What'd you get me?
365
00:23:58,524 --> 00:24:02,438
- Oh, Bob, I was looking for you.
- You got me already, Eddie.
366
00:24:02,494 --> 00:24:06,567
That's what I want to talk to you about.
You know these, uh, these socks you gave me?
367
00:24:06,632 --> 00:24:09,078
I don't know where you got 'em,
sol can't cash 'em in.
368
00:24:09,134 --> 00:24:11,580
Why don't you just keep 'em?
369
00:24:11,637 --> 00:24:14,117
Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm up to my knees in socks.
370
00:24:14,173 --> 00:24:16,517
So I'll, uh, let you
take them back for me.
371
00:24:19,011 --> 00:24:22,720
Oh. Hey, Richardson!
You know these socks you gave me?
372
00:24:22,781 --> 00:24:25,853
- [ Elevator Bell Dings]
- I don't know where you got 'em.
373
00:24:25,918 --> 00:24:29,422
- Hi, Dr. Hartley.
- Hi, Mr. Carlin. You're, uh,you're a little late.
374
00:24:29,488 --> 00:24:33,402
- Worst Christmas I ever had.
- Let's go.
375
00:24:33,458 --> 00:24:35,460
I think it was your deal,
wasn't it?
376
00:24:41,967 --> 00:24:46,006
Hi- Hi, Carol. Wel- uh, welcome back.
How'd- How'd it go?
377
00:24:47,239 --> 00:24:51,119
[Sobbing]
378
00:24:52,744 --> 00:24:54,746
Now that's funny.
379
00:25:34,219 --> 00:25:35,562
[ Mews]